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Sunday, October 09, 2022

The Gospel of Shaksper According to Gilbert. Chapter 2.

1 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Queen Elizabeth that all the world should be taxed. 

(And this taxing was first made when Cecil and Dudley pretty much called the shots.) 

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. 

And John Shaksper also went up from Warwickshire, out of the village of Snitterfield, into Warwickshire, unto the town of Stratford, which is called Stratford; (because he was of the house and lineage of Arden:) 

To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. 

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. 

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a humble manger [admission starting at $19.96] with the cows and sheep; because there was no room for them at the Crowne Plaza Inn [rooms starting at $78].

7 again And when the clock struck midnight the cows and the sheep stood on their hind-legs and spoke, praising the Lord Chamberlain, and the swans waddled up from the Avon River singing their praises in Latin. 



And there were in the Cotswolds shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 

And, lo, the stage manager of the Lord Chamberlain came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 

10 And the stage manager said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 

11 For unto you is born this day in the city of Stratford a Playwright, which is Shaksper the Grain Broker. 

12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger, writing five act plays on a portable dressing table. 

13 And suddenly there was with the stage manager a multitude of players praising the Chamberlain, and saying, 

14 Glory to the Chamberlain in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 

15 And it came to pass, as the players were gone away from them into London, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Stratford, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Chamberlain hath made known unto us. 

16 And they came with haste, and found Mary, and John, and the babe lying in a manger, and writing Hamlet on a portable dressing table. 



17 And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. 

18 And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds. 

19 But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. 

20 And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising the Chamberlain for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them. 

21 And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called William, which was so named of the stage manager before he was conceived in the womb. 

22 And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to London, to present him to the Chamberlain; 

23 (As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every playwright that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;) 

24 And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of literary scholars with the brain-mass of pigeons. 

25 And, behold, there was a man in London, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of England: and a vast amount of ale was upon him. 

26 And it was revealed unto him by the eighth or ninth tankard, that he should not see Hamlet, before he had seen the Lord's Playwright. 



27 And he came by the Spirits into The Theater: and when the parents brought in the child William, to do for him after the custom of the law, 

28 Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed the Chamberlain, and said, 

29 Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: 

30 For mine eyes have seen thy playwright. 

31 Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; 

32 A light to lighten the Irish, and the glory of thy people England. 

33 And John and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him. 

34 And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child shall make the curtain fall and rise again and again for many in London; and be a myth which shall be spoken against; 

35 (Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed. 

36 And there was one Anna, a procuress, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Southwark: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity; 

37 And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from The Theater, but served the Chamberlain with young things and the players night and day. 

38 And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for bigtime better plays in London. 

39 And when they had performed all things according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Warwickshire, to their own town Stratford, with its little school [admission starting at $13.54] equal to Oxford University. 

40 And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with French and Latin classics: and the grace of the Chamberlain was upon him. 

41 Now his parents went to London every year at the opening of the theater season. 

42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up to London after the custom of the cockpit. 

43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child William tarried behind in London; and John and his mother knew not of it. 

44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. 

45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to London, seeking him. 

46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in The Theater, sitting in the midst of the poets, both hearing them, and asking them questions. 



47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers. 

48 And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. 

49 And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about the Chamberlain’s business? 

50 And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them. 

51 And he went down with them, and came to Stratford, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. 

52 And William increased in languages and falconry, and in favour with the Chamberlain and man. 

 

 

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