On Catching Philip the Great White... guppy.

Went down to my virtual pier and checked the various matters in order. Off the end of the pier I heard the usual call.

“A typed name is a lawful signature!” “Expert witness statements are extrinsic evidence therefore not admissible.” “Only licensed lawyers can understand.” “You have Dunning-Kruger.”

It was the Philip-fish swimming in his little domain as usual. A Philip-fish bears its teeth menacingly thinking it is member of the lawyer-fish genus called the shark. But he is a member of the guppy family. Actually, a member of the 'Fraud-fish genus which is a member of the guppy family.

As I checked the various virtual fishing lines dangling off the pier the bobber of one bobbed. I was stunned. 2013. Can you believe it? I published Edward de Vere was Shakespeare: at long last the proof in 2013. And at the end I stated that Shakespeare's The Tempest was the wedding masque for Susan de Vere. Inside the statement was a hook. I lowered the baited hook into the water and waited expectantly.

But would anyone ask me what was my evidence? I'd hoped to catch one of the Oxfordian-fish but not a one indicated the least curiosity. For over ten years!

“Well fishing is a patience game” thought I many and many a time. But today the bobber had bobbed. The wait might be over. Some fish might be about to take the bait!

As I gently jerked the line the voice of the Philip-fish broke the surface: “He doesn't seem to do much primary source research,...”

“Oh sh-t!” said I. It's the Philip-fish. Vanishingly small. Not at all a keeper. But it had been over ten years without a bite. I couldn't bring myself to have pity on him just yet. I gave him some line to play with.

“Edward De Vere was Shake-speare:at long last, the proof. features 135 end notes and a bibliography of 119 of the finest titles in the field. As the extensive and precise critical paraphernalia makes clear, the text is based closely on documentary, largely primary, source material,” I replied. It is a habit of the Philip-fish always to make blatant false accusations hoping to benefit.

Still, I couldn't bring myself to throw him back. I would carefully dangle the bait for a number of days, in fact.

'There are multiple descriptions of the actual masque performed the evening of the wedding, "Juno and Hymenaeus.",' called the Philip-fish. “A competent historian would explain all the extant evidence and how his conclusion is consistent with it, ...”

With that I heard a small squeaky voice off the pier to my right. “Why do you continue to show your ignorance...?” “Your desperation is palpable.”

Of course, wherever the Philip-fish is found the Mark-fish is never far away. It is a characteristic of the species.

“Name any expert scholar who has expressly argued that Heminges and Condell didn't approve of the content of the letters printed in the 1623 folio.” “Quote the precise wording of the claim.”

“There is a scholarly consensus that Ben Jonson wrote most or all of the letters,” I replied.

“Define a consensus,” came back the squeak.  “Your silence proves that I am right.” “I beg you to hire the services of a capable lawyer.”

I couldn't bring myself to shoo away the only nibble in over ten years. I looked at the Philip-fish as I reflected upon my oft repeated observation that God has a perverse sense of humor.

“Shakspere of Stratford was Shakespeare.”“Only licensed lawyers can understand.” “You have Dunning-Kruger,” said the Philip-fish puffing out his chest in an attempt to look bigger. 

The virtual fishing rod suddenly bent down hard! Boom! 'I spent the six bucks to get a digital edition of your recent book that seems to recant significant parts of your book promising "the proof."'

He'd taken the bait! This would be followed by some days of ridiculous statements until he actually read the book. It is the common pattern of the 'Fraud-fish.

As he went on endlessly, as always, thinking that spewing a lot of words equaled having said a great deal, my thoughts drifted back to just a few of his earlier babbles. Was it only a year ago he said of Susan de Vere: “She didn't leave a diary that recorded her feelings about her father,...”?

I could only imagine the look on Philip-fish's face as he learned that an “artificial sea” was constructed in the banqueting house the week of Susan de Vere's wedding masque. That Susan de Vere did leave behind a diary (with names changed to protect the guilty, of course).

I could only smile as he wrote: “Having bought Mr. Purdy's new book, I'm reading now and I'll eventually have a reaction thread here.” He had purchased a copy of Shakespeare's The Tempest: a Wedding Masque for Susan de Vere. Surely, he pictured me trembling before his shark-toothed smile.

He was in his glory. This was his forte. He had only one job: to tear an Oxfordian text to shreds no matter what it said. And it seemed that surely there would be bunches of stuff that had no documentation. This was going to be too easy.

And then it happened. After days of continual virtual war dance...

CRICKETS.

The Philip-fish had swallowed the bait. He'd read the book and found all kinds of evidence that he'd never read before. That no one in Shakespeare Authorship has ever read before. And it left a very bad taste in his mouth.

On the next day:

CRICKETS.

On the third day he commented strangely on a related Facebook post:

Would anyone seeing The Tempest describe it as a masque, or as "Juno and Hymenaeus" rather than mentioning Prospero? No.

What could these cryptic words mean? Of course, they mean the Philip-fish is awash in cognitive dissonance. Yet he felt obligated upon his oath as a 'Fraud-fish to post a dismissive comment on the Fb post. For years he claimed that the masque performed at the wedding reception of Susan de Vere had been Ben Jonson's “Juno and Hymenaeus”. Now he'd read the book and knew that it could not have been.

For years he has agreed that Act IV of The Tempest was a masque. But now if it was a masque it was a masque for the wedding of Susan de Vere. The Philip-fish is casting about for a new narrative. He has tentatively walked up to the edge of the argument that no rational being could ever have thought The Tempest was a masque.

Amusing as all of this has been I am under no illusion that the 'Fraud-fish will fail to construct another covering-narrative given time. It is simply what 'Fraud-fish do. Philip-fish and crew will prove unable to see that their previous certainties are quite at odds with whatever they will invent to meet present needs. No. No. No. Not a thing will have changed. Their voices will continue to have all of the absolute ministerial confidence that they've always had. And they will use them to say whatever suits their purposes.

Also at Virtual Grub Street:

• Rocco Bonetti's Blackfriars Fencing School and Lord Hunsdon's Water Pipe. August 12, 2023. “... the tenement late in the tenure of John Lyllie gentleman & nowe in the tenure of the said Rocho Bonetti...”

• On Shakespeare's lameness and historical-fiction biography, etc. August 5, 2023. “Those who support Sogliardo of Stratford and other authorship candidates generally stop by from time to time to remark...”

• Shakespeare CSI: Sir Thomas More, Hand-D. April 22, 2023. “What a glory to have an actual hand-written manuscript from the greatest English writer of all time!”
• Robert Greene and the Construction Shakespeare (Almost) Never Used. August 9, 2022. 'Our first foray “staring intently into” the texts of Robert Greene has noted that his work utilized far fewer feminine endings than Shakespeare’s.'

• A 1572 Oxford Letter and the Player’s Speech in Hamlet. August 11, 2020. “The player’s speech has been a source of consternation among Shakespeare scholars for above 200 years.  Why was Aeneas’ tale chosen as the subject?”

• Check out the Shakespeare Authorship Article Index for many more articles and reviews about this fascinating time and about the Shakespeare Authorship Question.
• Check out the Letters Index: Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford for many letters from this fascinating time, some related to the Shakespeare Authorship Question.